our 5 cents
Hey girls..I have arrived in Sunny San Fran.
I'm still a mess and totally second guessing myself. But I'm in town. A step towards settling in here i guess.
Email or call me soon.
"tying-up" some "loose ends"
I spent the bus ride into work on the phone with OOTG. As I got off the bus, I felt a strange, yet not-unwelcome sensation. I felt "free" and "bouncy". It was soon determined that these feelings and sensations did not arise out of sheer enjoyment of life, but due to the fact that I was deficient of a very important item - my bra. Visual : Hick holding phone away from ear a good foot due to OOTG's enthusiastic laughter.
I took the elevator up the single flight, in order to assess the situation in the 'vator mirror. It was not pretty. Full outline of (shapely!) breasts with protruding nipple clearly apparent.
All I can say is, thank the Lord Almighty that I grabbed an unnecessary sweater on the way out, "just in case".
At exactly 10 on the nose I sped-walked (boing boing boing) to my local bra shop, did some quick testing and asked the lady to rip off the tag of my chosen saviour-sling (slightly "push-up! my word!) as I wanted to wear it out. "everyone does this right?" I asked, looking for comfort. "don't worry" said the kind lady, struggling with the small plastic tag that did not want to removed, "you're not the first".
Funny thing is, the other lady at the counter, did not even bat an eyelash when I came up to her with only the tag.
All I can say is, though the freedom of the giggle is gone, the familiar tight-strapped feel of my girls at attention is a big relief!
2nd elevator test results : prowwww!
because i don't write as well as other people on the internet
or think of as interesting things to write about, today i am going to send you here
. (you see, it's a surprise, i'm not telling you what it is...) (not that it's that exciting, but i thought it would appeal to your demented-sex-obsessed-child-at-heart selves.)
and when you are finished reading that you can go here
for the follow up.
Graphic entries by a non-graphite
Or : why I love my period.
1. Cramps are the most wonderful, truly female feeling known to man, I mean woman. Nothing I love more than waking up, wondering if I'm drowning in my own blood, afraid to tilt into the "vertical position" for fear of "gravity taking its toll" with a nice vice-like gripping cramp. Well, not much anyway.
2. I truly enjoy worrying about toxic-shock (yes, the 'pon is preferable to the pad despite risk of death) all day, calculating hours of wearage of 'pon, running up 2 flights of stairs at work hiding tube of cotton (obvious pocket bulge despite best efforts), and fumbling in a small closet-of-a-stall only to drop 'pon on floor/in toilet/down pants and then have to touch the stainless steel box of uterus-ensoaked-paraphernalia.
3. Bouts of irritation or anger. Actually, I don't mind these so much.
4. No sex. Others may argue that a dark room and a red towel will suffice to allow for comfortable period sex, but truthfully, I am usually not ready and willing to have something else go up there anymore. Much as I love inserting things into my twat, I have introduced and removed enough times for one day not to warrant a) removal of possibly one an hour old 'pon (ow!) b) hopefully good sex with careful consideration to cramps and % leakage of stain causing fluids c) cleaning up super-mess as partner sleeps soundsly (don't worry he'll wake up in the morning thinking he had some horrible accident and then realising that it's just dried uterus) b) re-insertion of fresh 'pon (possibly : ow! again). conclusion : NO THANK YOU
5. Dogs follow me home. Periods have a smell. No doubt about it. Washing 5x a day won't help either. Neither will the bidet (OOTG!). Hey, it's not necessarily a bad smell, it just exists, that's all. I've even smelled it on other girls (enter gag noises). C'est vrai! Possibly a pheremone thing for men, biologically speaking : i.e., not ovulating, move along, move along.
6. Desperately seeking all things carbular. Washing 5x a say won't help.. oh wait, that's #4.. I mean, eating muffins and bread won't help. I still want more. Eating 5x a day might help.
7. It's great when you have to go out and buy clothes for an Xmas dinner you don't want to go to anyway. a) Irritation a given b) 5 extra period-pounds take task past the torturous point and right into the I'll even let someone "help" me at the store saying things to her like "I have a dinner to go to and I .. I just... don't.... know........". Basically I am either homicidal or suicidal or both. I bought a plain black skirt that doesn't even look good anyway. It was either that or throw myself under a car.
8. My dad told me to go to the dinner "in my underwear"
9. Yes, I know #8 had nothing to do with the list.
10. This is the last number.
a bit confus
it's me, the post that WAS here this afternoon (written by ms.) and now is gone.
ok what is up with that?
ms., you post, it stays. end of story. that's the point of this joint. we can spew whatever and then get feedback from our fine feathered friends (those without feathers may also post.) we love you no matter what. even in your moments of insanity.
a few other things...
thing number one: i am at work and have to poo. i don't like to here as there is only one stall, and it is smack in the middle of the show room.
thing number two: i can't wait to head out to meet hick and jlo for dinner! it's like a date. hope fully thing number one will be taken care of before thing number two, or hick's bathroom, and pehaps entire complex. will not be too happy with me.
thing number three: my hands are so dry that my skin on my knuckle is cracked, and it hurts. not a compalint, just a comment.
thing number four: omg, you should see the zits that are populating my chin. it's really too too much to behold. i know i posted re: zits a little while back, but for the love of all things holy, i am not 16 anymore!
thing number five: i was just told that i have to work. so gtta skiddadle.
love and snuggles,
one laugh for you and one clarification
since my fingers are broken and i cannot type a long entry i figure i can amuse you all by directing you to this very humerous and OH SO SPOT ON
entry on a blog that i take much enjoyment in reading. (though please read the rest of my message before clicking over there, because once you go there-to, i'm a-thinkin' you won't be coming back here...)
now, i must clarify...
re: comments on hick's "let's do it" entry where in i proclaim lame assness and suckity, and the comments that followed...
at what point did i actually say that my LIFE was boring, and that my LIFE sucked, and that i was in any way shape or form UNSATIUSFIED with ANYTHING other than the amount that i have contributed to our blog of blogs? i certainly hope i did not portray that, as i don't feel that i need to use this space as a forum for personal complaints and self-flagilation (not to be confused with fornication.)
also (and this is not a big also, just sort of an aside also), i feel it necessary inquire about what a "real sexlife" is. does being married mean you have a real sexlife? does sleeping with the same guy for the last 8 years mean that you have a real sexlife? does having sex because it's the twefth time hes asked for it this week, so i'm just gonna lie here and let him do his thing, so that at least i won't have to hear about it for about a day and a half mean that you have a real sexlife? if the answer is yes to any of the above questions, then i query further: what indeed is so EXCITING about this??!!
i shall leave you with the following quotation:
"i'm just enjoying the show"
The End of the Vaj Comments
VENT VENT VENT... sorry I need to do this before I can get on with my day.STUPID USELESS GDDAMN F**KING TIME-SUCKING UNAPPRECIATED STRESSFUL ANGERING INFURIATING LIFE WASTING PROFESSIONAL PRACTICE LEADER POSITION.... WHY DID I AGREE TO DO THIS FOR BLOODY $9 PER PAYCHEQUE BEFORE TAX? DOES THIS INSTITUTION REALLY EXPECT ME TO LIVE A LIFE OF STRESS, 10 HOUR DAYS, COMPLAINTS TO DEAL WITH, CATTINESS, ENORMOUS SIDE PROJECTS FOR THE NEXT 2 YEARS WHILE SILENTLY NODDING AND WITH GREAT EFFORT KEEPING A SMILE ON MY FACE AND SWALLOWING IT ALL OR ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE ME RIP MY HAIR OFF, POKE MY EYES OUT, DRINK PROFUSELY, THROW MYSELF OFF A BRIDGE AND TURN TO MIND-ALTERING DRUGS TO COPE?
Thank you. Now I'm off to see some babies.
Today's Ro drama.
So here isthe story.
Ro had an accident and we started talking again.
He knew I had met and went on a date with Jack but didn't know the details.
Today, he point blank asked me if I had sex with Jack. Said he hates thinking there is something I wouldn't tell him for fear he owuld be upset. So I told him I did.
At which point he called and basically talked about how I like to fuck and how he never would have done that to me and how he loved me and how he will never speak to me again and how if I try to email him he will consider that harassment and he knows my home phone number and will pursue the harassment..etc...etc...he told me karma would come back and get me and one day I'll be really in love with someone and he hopes they cheat..and so on
And then he hung up on me.
And so there i was. Upset and annoyed and feeling like I had done something terrible though I haven't really.
I go out for coffee and come home to the following two emails from his roomie:
#1: "You are nothing but a cheap slut. You had a good man and you hurt him. I hope you rot in hell. Maria."
#2: "I would also add he believed in you. None of us did. He fought with us. We told him you would do this. You make me ashamed to be a woman. I will be beside him. I will show him love trust honour. Maria. "
I'm SO done with all that.
Let's Do It
This message was sent by the blog "Our Five Cents" through the spiritual medium, Hick Teeth
"... why don't you rove me anymore? I am a ron-rey rittle blog. I talk rike the guy from Team Amercica (Fuck ya!) for you and still you no rove me..."
Listen Five-Cents-ers... participaction - get with the action! do it do it do it!
Hive Five to all our team (*slap*) , now get out there and BLOG.
When I was a little lass... knee-high to a Muddy Mud-Skipper I made up a word to express my distaste for foods I didn't like, the clothes I didn't like and well, most anything I didn't like.
The word was, and still remains :
Pooeymackaphoomia (Pronounced : Poo-E-Makka-Foo-MEE-ah)
It is with great distress, ladies and gentlemen (should there ever be any involved with this blog), that I admit that the state of the bloggeroo as of late has made me remember this word.
on actually having to work
yes, it's true. so i can't sit and post and comment all day. woe is me.
(and man, do my feet hurt...)
...and you are...???
On Saturday night I was on my way to the streetcar to go meet some girls on College. I got a call from a number I couldn't recognize...Boy: Hi, Ms. Ms., it's John! How's it going?Ms.: Good, thanks... how about you?Boy: Good! Just wondering what you're doing tonight?Ms.: Meeting some girl friends... you?Boy: Going to the Brant House, I was hoping I could convince you to come!Ms.: Well, I can't tonight. ... Can I ask you a weird question?Boy: Yeah.Ms.: Where do we know each other from?Boy: We met 3 weeks ago at the Brant House! Ms.: (figures it must have been more like 5 weeks): Wow, you sure take your time to call!Boy: It's been hard to get you out!Ms.: What do you mean? We haven't spoken since we met!Boy: Yes we did, I called you the week after.Ms.: You did? Did you leave a message?Boy: No, we talked.Ms.: We did?Boy: Do you know who this is?Ms.: Yes, John! It was your friend's birthday. I remember exactly who you are, but I don't remember talking on the phone.Boy: So do you think you'll make it to the Brant?Ms.: Not tonight, but umm.... we should hang out.Boy: OK I'll give you a call sometime.Ms.: Bye.Boy: Bye.OK???!!! How is it I can forget a whole phone conversation with a cute guy? Is he on crack? Am I? Maybe he has the wrong girl? I mean , I remember him, I know I gave him my number but I'm SURE we never talked! Heck, I didn't even remember his name was John. This was weeks and weeks ago.... you'd think he'd have forgotten. Being single is so weird sometimes. I guess I've pretty much destroyed the chance of ever hearing from him again.
empty streets and blank screens
alone I am, with zeros and ones
and one is the loneliests number I hear
is it worse than zero? I am not sure
For The Record
I have decided, and am putting in writing here, to try to give up something as difficult to give up as Cuddles' smoking. Biting my nails (well, fingers more really, I don't actually bite the "nails")
I know this is a disgusting entry, but I am putting in in "writing" so that the world can know... I'm incontinent! .. I mean... I'm going to stop biting my fingees! Cuddles thinks its gross, which it is, and I think smoking is grosser, which it is. So we are both going to stop doing our respective gross things.
Anyone else willing to give up their gross habits? You guys all have something about you that makes us all want to retch. So let's have at it.
The Low-Down on the Ho-I-Found (just kidding! sheesh don't be so sensitive!)
This weekend I received a call from Ms.Ms. "Hi it's Ms.Ms! I'm in a good mood so call me back. If you don't you can go to hell!"
I didn't get the message until the following morning, which is why, I determined at a later time, I woke up in Hell. Thanks ALOT Ms.Ms. I was granted one phone call....
PB : Ms. Ms? Hi, It's PB, yeah.. um.. I'm in Hell now thanks to you. It's very hot and I can't talk.. I'm.. so... parched....
Ms.Ms : well you should have called me back. We can no longer be friends.
PB : I'm SORREH I only got your call this morning!
(Ms.Ms giggles, I hear shuffling")
the next couple of lines were designed to allow me to Sherlock Holmes-like deduce that someone was over there...
PB : Is that HS of E?!!?!???
PB : So you got a piece of the Hulk eh??
... I will now cease this story as I have a feeling Ms. HS of E would prefer to conclude it herself.
She did explain to me that he ate 3 pieces of pizza BEFORE they went out for brunch. This allowed me to once again Sherlock-Holmes-like deduce that :
1. She "spent his evergy" so much that he was desperately trying to re-build it enough to be able to go out and eat more. W-o-w.
2. He is not lactose intolerant
3. Men with HS like pizza, as well as brunch, as well as lovely ladies such as Ms.Ms.
4. It may or may not had mushroooms on it.
5. Either they slept in late (I called at 11) or never went to bed.
6. I was told his "name" but shant repeat it here for obvious reasons. It was NOT Brian nor was it Harjit or Ling-Mao. Deduce...
7. If I had been in TO at that exact moment and had rang Ms.Ms'sss's's doorbell, I would have met him. I would have MET him! Dang it all.
8. Ms.Ms. is also not lactose intolerant. She is simply non-HS intolerant.
9. Pizza is also what one would refer to as a "hangover" food, and therefore, I believe that beverages might have been involved the night before. This is only speculative.
10. I did not go out for brunch, but ate a nice bowl of "Spelt Flakes" with Soy Milk and ground Flax Seeds. Hoo-boy. For a good time, call PB I tell ya.
Ew. Gross. Disgusting.
I just watched my cat vomit 3 times and had to clean it up and now I feel like I'm going to hurl.
I hate men/boys
OMG! It is official. I'm totally neurotic and crazy and I haven't heard from Jay-Z and I have no idea why and have convinced myself it is over. Why am I so nuts?
Why is it guys just randomly disappear?
Why do they call and text every day multiple times and then all of a sudden nothing?
It frustrates me.
I don't know if I'm more irritated by the fact that I'm bothered by it or the fact that it happens.
Where were you when i needed you most?
OK OK, the title is a little too melodramatic, but I have to tell you , in the midst of a crazy Thursday at work, I was laughing my bloody head off at the antics of Tali and one of the girls. Today-- other than Tali's obvious love affair with her movers, it was tumbleweed and crickets here on the old bloggeroonie. Where hast thou gone, my friends in blog?
Tali- New jersey, therefore, forgiven. She posted anyway.
one of the girls- i have proof that she commented on another blog at daybreak. Where the heck did she go for the rest of the day? I hope her own blogcession hasn't put her into a catatonic state (someone, go check on her!).
Hick Teeth (aka: Penis Breath) was nowhere to be seen today. Perhaps she got fired for too much blogmenting (blog commenting) at work and spent the day in the depths of despair (one of the girls, if you are not catatonic, please go check on her!). Or maybe the blogopics were too raunchy, even for her? Naw, that's impossible!
And Miss Kay... Miss Kay, don't you love us? You have a lot of catching up to do on your reading, Miss Kay! We expect some serious motherfucking blogs to make up for your lack of blog until now. Though, I admit, the rest of us have gone a little Blog-Mad. If we don't hear from you by early December, we will have Tali come check on you in Cali. OK?
As for me my lovelies, I am off now.... overworked, underpaid, megastressed, massively fatigued, minimally appreciated, I think I deserve a nice nap and a few stiff drinks later on. Maybe I'll just be drinking myself to oblivion to erase the pain and hardship of the weeks past. Too bad no one is left in Toronto to check on me. Guess I should get used to that :(
I booked a mover. HALLELUJAH!
I'm the HAPPIEST girl ever. Really..I am.
It takes SO much stress off me.
I'm off to New Jersey today. Good times.
I'm disappointedt osee no more comments up on the blog. We were on such a role yesterday.
I'm doing a happy dance around the kitchen right now. Because I have a mover. WOOHOO!
the blog that started it all...
i am home, calmed down, and am reflecting on the early afternoon's blogathon.
at 12:11 today i commented on a post from yesterday:
"this is ootg disguised as tali. even when i am with her she does not contribute to the blog. what the fuck is her problem? and she laughs as i type this, and wait, look there may be a response. push the girl enough and she will bite. now that i know..."
wow, i did not expect THIS!
hope we are sificiantly amused on this here thursday. love ya guys!
a blist (blog list)
1. i have a headache and a sore throat from laughing.
2. tali has 54 people signed on on her msn list. i don't even know 54 people.
3. really, i shvitzing.
4. ms. ms. where are you? are you working? it can't be. this is so much more fun.
5. just when we thought we hit the end of the blog... look there's still a teeny bit more room.
6. tali just made a gross sexual reference that doesn't merit posting on the blog. i'm gonna hurl.
7. i haven't laughed like this in ages. it feels good (save the comments of #1).
8. i declare miss k officially out of the blog. even if she does decide to check in, for the love of god, who would want to be associated with this drivel.
9. ME! ME!
10. thank you tali for being patient while i type this.
YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF THE BLOG
We are sorry, but your blog capacity is full.
Please cease and desist from adding any more blogs at this time.
We will contact you with further instructions, please do not attempt any more blogging until you have been granted permission.
OOTG just told me her ass is sweating.
I'm not exactly sure what she expects me to do to help her. But I'm feeling violated.
i'm being a blog hog
end of post.
re: request for title change
done and done.
it's not that easy you know, and tali can attest to that. you see girls, you are dealing with a computer genius here. she makes our blog look blogtiful. it takes work. its not all like: ooo just load a new template. no, it's not. you have to go in and read the code and understand
but i digress.
OOTG is easily stimulated
the following statement was just heard in Tali's kitchen:
OOTG (in reference to the blogging): OMG, I'm like hot from doing this.
Who's the crazy one NOW biotch?
a conversation in real life
the following just transpired:
ootg: omg, since we started talking on the blog we haven't said one word to each other.
tali: that's because its funnier when we talk using the blog.
ootg thinks about it and decides that thought it is totally anti social, and completely freaking weird, that tali is right.
hey, and thanks for bringing me another cookie biotch.
Re: Comments on Previous Entry
holy shit, guys. i jsut logged onto the blog and read what tali wrote. i'm really worried about her. this is all very bizarre. i have been at home all morning working. i didn't meet her for breakfast, and i certainly DID NOT let her stick her hands up my shirt. it's so weird. it's like she was pretending to be me. i don't get it. i'm totally weirded out. how can i even see her again? i feel a bit violated. it's like she was studying my personality so that she could emulate me. (not that i understand why she would want to do that... maybe it is part of the illness.)
wow. i have to sign off and think about this a bit more.
this conversation is brought to you by o and t
Hello ladies. OOTG and I have decided to write a co-blog entry to entertain ourselves - and you - so here we go.
OOTG is a perv.
actually tali decided that we should write together. i has to say yes because she gave me a scrumptious cookie.
i have a question: how come i am the only on that doesnt leave a space in my lines when i press "enter" you dont need a double space to tell me that it's the next paragraph. i can see that by the previous paragraph not GOING TO THE END OF THE LINE.
OOTG can't type. I am witnessing this process. I thought I was bad with the typo's. THANK GOODNESS FOR THE DELETE BUTTON. Hickteeth, OOTG is eating your fave cookies. Just so you know. There will be none left for you by the time we leave here. We will have eaten them all. OOTG is pressuring me to let her type. I am afraid. Very afraid.
look there, she did the double return thing. what the hell. i just don't get it. can someone explain (seeing as tali just TOTALLY ignored my question above.) also, i am taking offense to the non typing. it's true, i can't type, but at least when i FINALLY get my words out i am FUNNY. and the cookies, hick, i've already got a few stashed under my sweater for you. fear not. and if they are gone? it's because tay lie has eaten them all. i'm no pig.
See the lengths OOTG goes to to get my hands up her sweater? This girl has a one track mind. As for OOTG's question, it is because it is easier to read when there are spaces. Doesn't look as crowded. So there. Question ANSWERED. OOTG is a very good typer. I take back what I said. Now OOTG can you please take the gun away from my temple and take the burning branding iron off my left butt cheek?
i thought the iron was turning her on. as for her hands up my shirt, you can't even imagine HOW LONG I HAVE WAITED FOR THAT. i thought it would never happen. just so you know, i came instantly. now i have nothing else to live for. i might as well die. oh now tali is calling me sick and twisted. um HI, she's the one who initiated the contact. hello!
I am BESTED! Who can compete with OOTG's sick and twisted imagination. Of course, she completely misunderstood....I said make me sick and then twist me. It is foreplay. I like pain. MY GOD that girl hears what she wants to hear. Let's get it on OOTG!!!
i told you tali, i am done. you already made me come, i don't need anything else. let's change the subject.
All about OOTG. She is just like a man. I told you I can't come until you bend me over your knee and spank me with a computer keyboard. Don't I get any satisfaction out of this? DON'T I?
no. to put it simply, you don't. it was all about me. (i thought we were changing the subject?) i guess not. its always about the sex. ALWAYS. i met tali for breakfast this morning at what was the first thing out of her twat? (shit, i mean mouth)? oh ootg, i met a guy and we went out on saturday night, and he didn't go home till sunday. wow, i didnt even sit down and the beans were spilled. then there is ms. with her hulking hunk of hotness, and well the convo that hick and i had yesterday about our respective mens' ding a ling dongs... girls we are all obsessed.
HEY! I haven't heard anything about Hick's man's ding a ling dong. I'm totally out of the loop. What the hell is going on? To be honest..if not sex, what on earth do I have to talk about? I sit around in an empty apartment all day praying for someone to pack for me. Sex is the only thing I have to look forward to. FORGIVE ME! I HAVE NOTHING ELSE. Maybe I should become a hooker. then I could bring together my fave topic of conversation AND my work. It will be like my world's colliding and making me RICH! RICH I TELL YA. OOTG will be my first customer. We're playing "Hide the cookie".
phew she left the room. she keeps molesting me. if she keeps it up i'm going to make sure she gets all of my stds. come on girls, do you really think that people would PAY to have sex with tali? with that thought we will conclude this entry.
A Good Day for a Peds RD
In my job, a good day is one that is not too rushed and stressful and one where something either heartwarming or fun happens. When things get too busy, as they have been lately, I tend to forget to look at the small stuff: the baby who goes home to a happy family, parents reassured about the growth of their child, a once-petrified pregnant woman whose birth experience was wonderful.
Today, little Makenna who I have been following for 6 months for poor weight gain related to her heart disease (doing great now, thank you very much!) played ball with me with a plastic orange food model. She waved goodbye to me when she left and through her soother tried to say "thank you" which came out as "hmm hmm".
This is a good day.
Thought I'd throw in a bit of cheese to add to the poo and shaft talk as of late. Cheese, poo and shafts... a winning combo!
Grosser than Gross
If the Mirror gets Savage Love and you have read this, I can delete the post. Thought you could use a little laugh and some grossitating gross-out! Enjuie!
I have a co-worker who appears to have some type of padding in his trousers. Not in the front, so as to make his penis look larger, but all around – front, back, sides. Some days he comes to work appearing slim and trim, but on random days he comes in wearing much larger slacks, which appear to be "stuffed" with something. It is obvious to everyone at the office. The padding doesn't appear to be an adult undergarment. Recent improvements have made those much more difficult to detect. The stuffing/padding is bulkier than a Depend. Over time (several years) the padding has gone up and down in size. There are female co-workers who have complained that he tends to try and rub against them when he's wearing his padded/stuffed trousers. I know that many adults enjoy wearing diapers, but I'm wondering whether you know of any other fetish that involves stuffing or padding trousers.
Need Answers Pertaining Perverted Yearnings
He's wearing diapers under his trousers, NAPPY, without a doubt. The varying degrees of bulk, or stuffedness, that you've noticed is most likely the result of his wearing different types of diapers. A Depend may be more discreet, but no ambitious diaper fetishist is going to be satisfied wearing only a Depend day after day. Some days he may not wear diapers, some days he may wear something discreet like a Depend and some days he apparently comes to work in bulkier diapers. There's also the disturbing possibility that on some days his diapers are empty and other times they're full.
Oh, and speaking of disturbing: Folks who were upset to learn in a recent instalment of Savage Love that some people like to "leave behind" erotically charged ephemera for others to stumble across – like, say, the guy who leaves a smidge of his come on his friends' toothbrushes – might want to skip the rest of this response. It seems that a man in Dallas, Texas, was arrested for… for sprinkling – oh, Christ, I can't bring myself to type what comes next, so I'll just copy and paste from the Team 4 News report:
"A Dallas cab driver is in big trouble for getting caught on tape sprinkling dried feces on pastries. Forty-nine-year-old Behrouz Nahidmobarekeh is on trial for allegedly throwing fecal matter on pastries at a Fiesta grocery store. Police said they found a pile of human feces by his bed. He would dry it [and] grate it up with a cheese grater and then sprinkle it at the store, officials said."
It's the bit about the cheese grater that lifts this story out of the horror camp and plops it down in the mind-numbingly-horrifying-puking-nightmare camp. Will any one us ever be able to shake the mental image of the culprit sitting in his apartment contentedly grating his dried crap? And, more importantly, will any one of us ever eat from a self-serve pastry case ever again?
i was eating lunch and thinking how un-nice i have been this morning on said blog. i'm sorry. no excuse really. i'm feeling a bit blah.
now i will search for some sudoku on the internet and eat pistacios.
How would you feel if you SHOT BOLT UPRIGHT in bed, didn't know why, looked at the time - 2:15AM - and then, 5 seconds later heard a knock at the door?
...Jen... I'm here to get you.. but I'm knocking first because I'm poliiiittteeee.....
--knock knock... are you asleep? Perfect, I'm coming in to rob you/rape you /scare you/be a ghost/make you think you are going mental imagining knocks on doors... etc etc.
Then, another knock. I turn on the lights, shoot out of bed and stand about 5 feet away from the door "WHO IS IT?!?" (a la Eddie Murphy)
"...it's me... (Cuddles) I couldn't sleep..."
FER CRYIN OUT LOUD!
Needless to say I woke up this morning with a throat ache and I think I'm getting a cold. It's all his fault I just know it.
hair and other stuff
as for my weekend, it was thrilling.
i was at a show the entire time. not a good one even. there was not a very good turn out. so i stood on my feet the for two days and tried to sell myself (yes like a prostitute.) we shall see if there are any suckers for my product out there. i will keep you posted on the developments. more the same this weekend, unfortunately, but thems the breaks.
but having to look good for the show leads me to the crux of this post... hair. i went to the hairdresser so that she could do some magic on my hair. she was agast at how much hair i lost during my shampooing. (i, of course, was also concerned as this has been happening for a while now. my thick main is not so thick anymore.) so she made some suggestions to me... firstly i should wash my hair with milder shampoo. i use pantene, can you get more mild than that? i do not know! second she suggested i take vitamin B100. resident healthcare professional, what do you think of that? and last... *gasp*... she told me i should not wear my hair up, as it does not let my scalp breathe. OMG!!! you'all know how i feel about my hair down!!! well i tried it yesterday. itt was very windy here in the city. my hair was everywhere. it was puffy. the curls did not "stick together nicely". now i will say it before you do: i didn't use any product (we know me so well!) . so friends and lovers, i call upon you, my ladies of hair so curly, for advice. what product should i use to take advantage of my luscious locks? and what do you do about hair washing? how often? and if you don't wash it per se, do you wet it? in the shower? with a shpritzer? HELP! (just don't go getting all "we have been telling you for years to wear your hair down" or like "how long have we been suggesting product to you?")
i am a desperate girl.
Due to the fact that I prefer remain even more anonymous, I shall heretoforth be referred to as "Ms. Ms."
My weekend was more than pleasant following WEEK FROM "PSYCHOMADNESS"LAND and "STRESSEDTOTEARS"TOWN!
What'd I do? Friday: Shmooze with girls: danced like banshees from 8-12, went home. Saturday: Gym, coffee with Janice, hung out with hungover Danielle, housecleaned, went to a lovely dinner/wine party with Ryan. Sunday: cooked brunch with Gabriela, went to Eaton's centre together, bought earrings, met up with a guy we were both in touch with from the Halloween party- thought he'd be really hot costumeless- he really wasn't so I ditched them and went home for more housecleaning, went to the Rex with Lorenzo my lovely younger man and I "enjoyed the show", iykwim. I enjoyed the show immensely. U can read all about it if you are a crafty soul.
I lurve you girls so much, ya know that? This blog is just what the doctor ordered, I tell you.
More laterrrrr.... love, Ms. Ms.
There are lots of funny things I can write about today, but I think I'll keep this one short and more serious.
This weekend I got the sad news that Max, the older of my parents' two cats had to be put to sleep. He was taken to the vet last week and they told us he had an enlarged heart and kidney problems and said he would live maybe another year. But within a few days, Andrew found him outside, meowing, unable to move...so he took him to the emergency vet where he had to be put down or else live a few more days in pain.
He was acting strange for the past fw months, I think we all know that he was not so well anymore, but it still happened really fast for me. I grew pretty attached to that old man since being back here. I even put a picture of him on Matt's birthday card.
Anyway, I'm feeling ok but wanted to dedicate a little note to him, the cat I loved.
Hope you guys had a good weekend. I was in Ottawa...
Ok, I'm boring.
Well hello ladies.
How was everyone's weekend?
Mine was JUST lovely but I'm still freaking out about the move.
Hickteeth and OOTG, I'm in town as of Wednesday. Hick are you free Thursday night? OOTG, breakfast on Thursday?
Ok..so I'm nowhere closer on my move stuff. I'm hating every second of this. Waaaah!
How was everyone's weekend?
Mine....very good. Lots of stories for you guys which I will share WHEN I'm in Montreal otherwise we will have NOTHING to talk about.
But I did go to my first baby naming. HELLO WEIRD!
I think when I get married we should have a baby naming ceremony..just us. Where we all dress up in native costumes and do a rain dance....er..I mean a "name dance"
Yes, I'm going crazy. It is official.
So, what did everyone do all weekend? Tell me tell me tell me!
I want to know EVERYTHING!
Ok, that's all I have.
I'm off to take furniture picture. Yay.
Analyzing the Chew
Late this PM, following my Healthy Lifestyle Clinic, I had to switch gears from the obese to the starved. I paid a visit to G, my stubborn gal with an eating disorder.
She is gaining weight and refusing snacks because of it... a viscious cycle that will undoubtedly make her stay here with us days or weeks longer.
So she and I were talking about her food intake (or lack thereof) and the subject of tube feeding came up.
G: "Girls who choose tube feeding at Sick Kids are stupid. You get less calories when you eat the real food".
Ms. M: "And you lose a lot of control when you are force-fed like that".
G: "And chewing burns calories too."
Ms. M: (laughs) "Not a whole lot."
G: "If you chew constantly for one hour, you burn 11 calories."
Ms. M: "G, do you really think those calories are going to come off your butt or be noticible at all?"
Then we became buddies (even though she manipulates me every step of the way) because I agreed to change her breakfast choices, her deal was that she will eat it all. What wonders will Monday bring????
I can't believe I hadn't noticed before!
Wow - the colour of the log changed! It's awesome - I love it!
And has anyone else noticed how funny OOTG's comments have been? Above and beyond anyone else's really.
Also - I just got off the phone with OOTG who commented that she was showering (finally) and had to go as she was "standing here nekkid".
a list for my friends
1. i am writing this instead of taking a shower. how gross is that?
2. tali, take a deep breath. then exhale. repeat.
3. ms. m, you think about the blog on the can?
4. hick, i can't wait to see you again today.
5. have any of you seen miss k?
6. how come no one commented that the colour of our blog changed?
7. or how funny my previous posts have been?
8. how come???
9. when we are old and grey i wonder if we will still blog.
10. hahahahahaha!!! can you imagine us with grey hair???!!!
11. who do you think will be the first to cover up her grey?
12. that got me thinking about who lost their virginity first. OMG i think i was last!
13. the c forgot to put out the garbage today, so i went outside in my house slippers, orange t-shirt and no bra to do so.
14. re: post about zits - today there are even more.
15. maybe thats because i don't shower?
Ok, I'm totally freaking out about this move. I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm wearing a hole in the floor of my apartment from the pacing back and forth. I don't have an official offer letter or an official start date and...*sigh*. I'm just petrified girls.
I NEED HELP!
How do I do all this?
Do I have to empty out my furniture before I take pictures to sell it or does it look better if it is in use? How do I find boxes? HELP ME!
As our days of blogging turn into weeks, I have noted a new language, a bloguage, if you will, forming under our very noses.
I think at this stage of our blogsploration, it is necessary to take a moment to reflect and enjoy all that we have created.
I bring to you girls, the Blogtionary (a.k.a: Blogcabulary) created by the Our 5 Cents Bloggers.
Here is the fruit of our creation, defined, and in alphabetical order.
Barf Log: (n.) barph-lawg: What "blog" is shortened from.
Blingo: (n.) blinn-go: Blog lingo
Blogbarf: (n.) blawg-barph: Absolute nonsense written about in a blog.
Blogcabulary: (n.) blawg-kab-you-lair-ee. Blog-related terminology.
Blogcess: (v.) blawg-sess: To occupy one's mind excessively with a blog. Symptoms: creating entire posts in one's head while on the can, checking blog every 30-90 seconds to look for new posts and comments, not leaving the house due to the possibility that a new blog entry will be posted. Seek help immediately.
Blogcession: (n.) blawg-sess-iyon: An abnormal preoccupation with blogs and blogging. See also Blogcess (v.)
Blogerific: (adj.) blawg-err-iph-ick: A feeling of wonderment relating to blog.
Blogeroo: (n.) blawg-err-rue: An endearing term for a blog.
Blogfit: (n.) blawg-phitt: A hysteria or outburst related to a blog.
Blogginate: (v.) blawg-ghin-eight: The act of writing a blog entry.
Blogopic: (n.) blawg-awp-ick: Subject written about in a blog.
Blog Purge: (n.) blawg purrj: A release or outpouring of emotion written in a blog.
Blogsability: (n.) blawg-sah-bill-it-tea: A requirement to meet expected frequency of blog posting.
Blog Sadness: (n.) blawg sahd-niss: A feeling of disappointment and emptiness when one checks the blog and there is no new post or comment to read.
Blogsploration: (n.) blawg-splore-ay-shon: A discovery of the value and wonders of blogging.
Blogtionary: (n.) blawg-shin-air-ee: A collection of blog-related words.
Blogtivity: (n.) blawg-tiv-it-tee: A task or diversion related to blog-writing.
Bloguage: (n.) blawg-ahj: A dialect related only to the blog.
Round Bloggin': (n.) raouwnd blawg-inn: A repetitive cycle of blog posts, turn-taking of each blog member
Unblog: (v.) uhn-blawg: To erase a posted blog.
Virgin Blogger: (n.) verr-jin blawg-grr: The state of being prior to one's first post.
Now, my dear partners in blog, when you use a new term, please define it for the gang so we can incorporate it into our daily blingo!
so thrilled to have lunched with hick
because how would i have otherwise squirted juice from my revolting grapefruit slice that is present on every plate and seen the surprise/fear/revolt/disgust on my friend's face?
our lunch (which was really breakfast food) was delish, but i missed tali and her pig product breakfast meats.
who was where when? (and why)
this whole tali moving to san francisco thing has got me thinking (a scary thought, i know, but sometimes i can't help it, it just sort of "happens"), of all the places we have all been in the last 11 years. its a whirlwind tour, lots of back and forths (and many trips along the 401), all starting at the ripe age of 19. here we go...
at the end of our lives as we then knew it, four young ladies left montreal for ontario. 2 went to toronto (one of the girls and hick teeth), and 2 (ms. m and tali) went to london. though the 2 in toronto lived very far apart, and the 2 in london had yet to meet each other. miss k left toronto for waterloo (the beer pit of canada), obliterating any chance that she and one of the girls would ever live in the same city.
the uni years were a blast on all fronts. once the 2 new londoners found each other, tali was introduced all around. southern ontario became our party ground. we were young, we were wild, and we were free (i know im quoting some classic rock song here, but i don't know which.) oh and there were the visits... early incidents include: "miss k introduces a british bloke to ootg", and "hick and ootg's night in the london nunnery (and the partying that preceeded it)", and lest we forget "ms. m boogies down in north toronto in full 70s gear". ahhh those were the best of times. we all seemed satisfied where life had brought us thus far.
miss k, the genius (and because she was a year ahead the rest of us in school) was the first to finish her studies, and make a big move. like a real adult move. she crossed the border to the big city, and of course we all had to have a bite of that apple. she was always a wonderful hostess while in new york all those years. episodes in that city are to the tume of "miss k introduces ootg to every male she knows" and "tali slaps ms. m in the lounge one aft".
meanwhile the rest of the womyn finish their first round of studies. hick stays put (she has a job, yay!) tali runs off to ottawa to continue to learn. she learned many things there, as much about life as she did journalism. ms. m returned to the city of her birth, and ootg took off to portugal with her hunky boyfriend. (look, im the one writing this, i can embellish where i want.) upon her return from europe, ootg was forced to live in montreal for lack of funds. (her boyfriend went back to ontario for similar reasons, and she missed him lots.)
lo-and-behold, the next year finds ootg returning to toronto with ms. m in tow. ootg made a four year commitment to the university of toronto, and ms. m held her dream internship. alas 2 ladies had come to keep their dear hick company. hick loved them so. well that didin't last long... ms. m returned to montreal to find travil there in the following year. ootg and hick lamented the loss.
but, ho! (and i do not use that word lightly!) who was in the mont to greet ms. m on her arrival? but our tali, who had returned after her 2 years awol in ottawa. they kept each other great company, waiting for hick, ootg and the occasional visit from miss k.
a year passed. ootg studied, no one saw her. miss k did what she wanted in new york. ms. m gained experience in her field. tali publicized. hick was in the movies, so to speak.
and another, which brought ms. m back to toronto. the girl just couldn't make up her mind, and hick and ootg were happy as clams to have her back. not that ootg saw her, she was studying. and hick gleefully got to live with her.
fastforward some. miss m still in new york, still hosting us when needed. ms. m settles in to toronto. tali is into her video games. but look, is it a bird? a plane? no it is hick with ootg moving to montreal. tali couldnt believe her lucky stars! not just one lovely lady, but two all in one. (oh and the hunky guy ootg had above, well she was now married to him, and he tagged along.) it was alomost paradise in montreal. but then the dreaded day came. the girls could not believe it! it was tali, yes, their tali who was up and running off to torono! she is missed in montreal but lauded by ms. m!
and so we adjust. life seems rather stable for a while. miss k actually threatens leaving new york a couple of times, but she knows her friends like to visit, so she stays put. hick talks about going to asia for a "year or so". but she doesn't. ootg buys a house, and ms. m buys a condo... well they ain't goin' nowhere. tali adjusts to toronto. she secretly loves it but refuses to tell anyone that (like i said - my entry, my embellishments).
the "fun times" still happen, but we are adults now, so we brag about them less.
AND THEN ONE DAY OUT OF THE BLUE, miss k shocks the living shit out of us. a messege left on ootg's voicemail goes something like this "well, umm... so i'm moving to LA next week." a big move, all the way across the continent. she couldnt be going that far! we had all never been more than an hour or so plane ride from each other. but she said that we could come visit, and that she had a wonderful flat... so we let her go.
and so it is this week that we hear about our second sister to go west. tali, go west, life is peaceful there. but darling, we will miss you. miss k is just a hop away, and as for the rest of us, lock that crazy cat up, becasue we are on our way!
my adorable headache
part of what is making my life so long and complicated this week is a lovely 14 year old girl admitted to my paediatrics ward with anorexia nervosa. i honestly adore this child but she is a royal pain in my arse sometimes. allow me to recap a conversation i had with my skinny little patient yesterday afternoon.
G: you know i'm not eating 2250 calories today
Ms. M: why?
G: because yesterday i only had 1500
Ms. M: what happened to the rest of the food we sent you?
G: it's in a drawer in my bedside table
Ms. M: what's in there?
G: my AM snack, PM snack, and part of my lunch. i mashed it up and put it in a bag.
Ms. M: get out the bag, let's see what's in there.
G: (takes bag out of drawer, opens it)
Ms. M: (sees mishmash of crushed cookies, strawberry yogurt, pudding) you know, in a few days, that would really start to stink.
G: does apple juice kill plants?
Ms. M: G, did you water your plant with apple juice?
this is in no way meant to be pro-ana or any of that crap. just a little snippet of my life as a peds RD. wow, the glamour.
today: she bargained and argued her way out of more foods served to her and told me flat-out she would be refusing the PM snack. i told her she was expected to eat it. Later on, she was accompanying the nurse on her patient visits, as it was "take-your-child-to-work day" and poor G is all movied-out. she's got nothing to do in the hospital. so she was shadowing her nurse.
Ms. M: so you are playing the role of the nurse today?
Ms. M: so you're going to force yourself to eat?
Nurse: you're going to give yourself some encouraging words?
G: yeah, 'G, you should really eat that snack', 'no, G, I don't think I can do it'.
Ms. M: be sure to threaten yourself with tube-feeding if you refuse to eat it!
(no, i didn't really say that last line, but it would have been funny).
it was cute to see her turning from left and right, pretending to talk to herself. she's a funny girl, i tell you but a pain in my neck from heck!
Blog-sessed, a poem in 6 verses by HickTeeth
I admit it.
I can't help it.
I check our site like a
Woman having a blog-fit
When work is slow
And my mind is adrift
And there are no friends to
Have a nice lunch with
When I am alone in this big city
And the connections with my ladies pretty
Are hard to feel because of time and space
Our Five Cents can take their place
so I check and I check and I
check check check
And I post and I comment and I
And I can no longer control the mouse
And my hands shake if I try to go out
I need a remedy for this Blog Sadness
Like Ren's Icre Cream Bar in the episode Space Madness!!!
Girls please help or give suggestions
Or make a new blog entry! Or add comments!
So's I have something new to read
And I can cease and desist with the laments...
How My Life is Crumbling As I Type This Blog (a tale of woe)
Well... crumbling: maybe not totally, but just for the night (if all goes well). I was so woefully busy at work today I have neglected about 214 times 10 to the power of 33 things that I was supposed to do. Work has been like this for weeks now, thanks to my new, oh so prestigious title of Professional Practice Leader. And don't forget that extra $18 per month, before tax.
Allow me to vent right now, as I am at work at 6:13PM with nary an end in sight. I got in at 8:30 AM and, if I'm good, will be back in here before 8AM tomorrow. I have a long night ahead of me, I am working on a project for hospital administration that I have put off until.... RIGHT NOW! In my defense, every minute of my time since it has been assigned was accounted for. Lunch is at my desk these days and if I do type a personal email, I regret it the whole time.
So that's one thing.
Second thing: One of Eli's best friends is doing a medical rotation here for a month!! She's a nice girl and we chatted a bit today. I didn't ask about Eli, she didn't mention him. Is it incredibly rude not to bring up his name, as he is our connection? I think, much to my dismay, I am going to be obligated to find out a bit about his life now... which so far, I have been completely content not to know!
Third thing: I was sposda go out with this lawyer-guy Paul tonight for our first real date. Well... he never specifically told me TONIGHT was the night (we just sorta kinda said "Tuesdays" were good), but he told my friend Gabriela. He texted yesterday and said he'd call, but no call! Today too- no call! Am I being stood up (though I didn't know we officially had plans)?
And to top it all off, Tali might be moving!!!!
Woe woe woe.....
upon studying my own face today, i was forced to come to grips with the following:
5 black hairs (tweezed immediately)
1 white zit on left side of neck (almost making me want to barf at myself... promptly popped)
1 red zit on the right side of the neck (nothing i can do about that one)
1 whitish zip on the lower right of my chin (still not ripe enough to "take care of")
several (by which i really mean dozens) of tiny little red dot like zits, that i'm not sure are really zits, they are just there to annoy the shit out of me today, all over my entire chin, especially in the crease area
since i stopped taking the pill sometime in july i have reverted back to teenagerdom. what the hell is up with this? for those of you who were well aquinted with me in the teenage years you will recall that i had way more than 5 dark hairs on my face. so if you thought 5 was gross, just think of me then, and thank the lord that i do not look like that today. another problem is my lack of period. where for art thou period? (its been along time since i have seen you, and i don't really miss you, but it would be nice to know that you are out there somewhere.)
for all the strangers out there in internet land, you are welcome for painting such a lovely image of myself.
oh and hick, that laser beam that was on my forehead the other day is now gone.