our 5 cents
things overheard on the streets of NY
In the direction of Hickasnaurus's last posting I would like to start my own segment. Walking down the streets you catch tidbits of conversations. This is what I heard this afternoon.
Girl 1: "It's okay, the doctor said it should be about three months"
Girl 2: "Oh well that not that bad, thats what, like 6 weeks"
I didn't get a good look, but I don't think they were blonde!
The Worst Thing I've Ever Done
I am so bored today, so so so so bored and thinking "what can I do"? I did something I shouldn't've.
so a long time ago in a land far far away, I figured out an ex's password to his email as a joke. me " I bet I know your password" then I tried it and it WORKED.
So, today I was like - hey, does it still work?
I think you know the answer.
Staring at his inbox full of old emails I thought - what now? I couldn't bring myself to READ any, but I did see one with the subject line "Are you still in the big apple"? which seemed innocuous enough. It was. But I did find out that he might be now, but definitely was recently in NY.
Please ladies don't ask me details about this, I am partly ashamed and partly so want to go back and read more! haha!
Is there any way he'd find out? hmmmmmmmm?
This posting will self destruct in 5 minutes.
"I can tell I'm sick from the smell of my farts"
... and other tid-bits overheard at the Hick-Cuddles household (yes, we've moved in together everyone. It's "official", which means I'm now "cleaning up for two")
"your snores were the growls of a giant killer cat that was chasing me in my dream last night!"
"you can squeeze my bum if you want to"
"no, it doesn't look like a roach, that's an ant"
"that is totally not an ant, it's a beetle"
"um.. no it's not!"
"Let's send it into Animal Planet and have it analyzed"
"my mom apologizes for telling you to 'have a good year' on your birthday, she doesn't want you to think she said that because she doesn't want to see you for a year"
"yes, I do have stinky pee this week, and I'm about to pee so you can come in and smell it if you like"
(in response to some questioning from your truly to determine the proper remedy for Cuddles' allergies)
Epilogue : his pee was not, in fact, stinky therefore "Nit-Ac" was NOT the correct remedy. Keynote of that remedy is "Foul smelling pee - smells like horse's urine"
I think this will be an ongoing segment on OFC, since intimate, embarassing and sometimes disgusting statements are declared and professed each day in our little home.
"Enjui" - a la OOTG
Just thought I would share ; )
Maimed and Mutilated
What did you girls do to me this weekend? I am covered in bruises! Wrist, thigh, butt... seriously! Did someone take advantage of my while I was on my Sugar High of Monday Eve?
And why is there nothing to blog about anymore? I find my "funny factor" to be dwindling! I mean, look at the half-baked efforts I put in to Tali and Hickteeth's birthday cards (sorry girls)! Maybe 32 will be better. Get ready for a mother of a card (but maybe not quite as fantastic a gift).
I am feeling weary, and lazy-assed, and puffy-eyed, and ill-attired, and spacey-brained, and don't forget bruised. This is a sad sad way to enter the almost-weekend.
Picky Eaters Can go Pick Somewhere Else!
I’ve just been on the strangest job. It’s like I’m back at High School and all the cool kids are too preoccupied with themselves and what they are wearing to bother talking or socializing with me. That’s fine. I don’t need to be their friends. I’m here to work.
But wait; usually when people work together they need some sort of communication to get the job done. It’s much more useful to leave the high school games behind to get the job done.
Anyhow, because we are back in high school I figured I would use this Blog to bad mouth and complain about how annoying these people are.
Also let me preface this rant with the fact that these people I’m referring to are in an industry that works together to create department store flyers that you find in newspapers. They take pictures of beautiful people wearing beautiful clothes and talk about where they can get their designer shoes for $400 instead of $800. (Especially after reading Ms. Mysterioso’s last Blog it makes my work seem very trivial!)
Anyhow this was the final straw of me saying – (well actually more like thinking because I didn’t feel like getting fired) “You are stupid whinny brats who don’t know how good you have it!”
This one girl, “Stripe Girl” – I call her that because I was never introduced to her so I never learned her name, and one day she showed up on set wearing a striped button down with a different striped vest over it paired with a pair of striped pants. (I wish I could have taken a picture for the “what should I wear” site!) Anyhow, Stripe Girl is a picky eater. She doesn’t eat Vegetables because she doesn’t like the texture. You know, one of those (I know because I used to be a picky eater). But here is the thing, be picky if you want, but know you are picky and don’t make it everyone else’s problem.
All week we have delicious catering on set. Great breakfast and even more amazing lunches. Here is an example of the menu for the particular day that Stripe Girl had a fit for how little variety the caterer was providing and how there was NOTHING she could eat:
- Asian Chicken Soup w/Spring Baby Vegetables
- Pistachio Crusted Salmon w/Mango Salsa
- Sesame Field Greens w/Edamame and Tofu
- Asparagus and Leek Crepes w/Thai Red Curry and Coconut Sauce
- Zucchini Tart
- Key Lime Pie
My mouth just watered typing that! I’m sorry – if you can’t find one thing to eat on that list well then you have issues (I may have separate issues considering I had to have one of EVERYTHING on that list!)
So Stripe Girl took up arms and the other “cool kids” joined her and agreed at how horrible the catering was --- they all marched themselves to the deli for turkey sandwiches. It was just very sad at the amount of self-absorption that went on all week.
But whatever – more food for me!!!
Well hello ladies! How are you all?
I'm SO EXCITED TO COME HOME! I can't wait to see you crazy gals. And i promise to bring a picture of the delightful man o'mine and fill you in on all the stories :)
So when is breakfast? OOTG are you EVER going to respond to that? Ms - brekkie no matter what on the weekend!
Just wanted to let you all know I was still alive and was still posting and can't wait to hang out.
Just a couple more days!
Where've I Been?
Did anyone know that Tali had a boyfriend?
Did anyone know that Miss Kay Shenanegan got married (is that his last name?)
Why am I the last to know? My life is ON DISPLAY and no one tells me diddly-squat.
Pumping Iron and Window Washers
Yesterday Cuddles and I decided to go to the gym to lift weights. I have only ever lifted weights one time before that, also with Cuddles, and we "took it easy" that time as we like to say in the biz.
Well, yesterday we were enjoying all the new machines and I was especially enjoying making weight-lifting faces and growling while doing "just one more" rep. Cuddles would be like : are you done? And I'd be like "grrrrooowwlllll-who-me? Nah.. I...
OMG! Newsflash! A window washer is descending past my window! Washing! What is the proper etiquette? Do I wave? Pretend not to notice? He's like 2 feet away from me and.. say... he looks kinda cute... too bad these windows don't open. Maybe I'll put a post-it with my number on it and stick it to the window for him to see. Wait, I can't do that - what about Cuddles? Ok, Tali, I'm putting your number up. You'll be here soon and it can be a one-week whirlwind window washing romance. ok c'est decide.
Sorry for the interruption.
...I'm just going to do one-rrrrrrrr-YEAH! more... rrrrep." Then I'd either collapse in feigned exhaustion and do a professional wrestler move or something.
Needless to say... have you all guessed where this is going?
Ok, it's not that bad, it only hurts about the chest, breast, back, neck and head areas.
And of course the ass. Cuddles says my ass must be my "weakest link" since it hurts so much. I, sadly, must concur that my ass has always been my "weakest link". Unlike Ms Ms's which is lickably delicious.
Apology to Seat 34C
Okay, um, hi. I would just like to issue this public apology to the girl sitting next to me in Seat 34C.
Firstly, I’m sorry for waking you up for my second vodka cranberry. I didn’t mean to startle you. Yes it was probably rude of me to shout across the isle and down the galley when I could have just pressed my call button. So I’m sorry for that.
Secondly, I’m sorry for those tiny red dots of cranberry juice you may or may not have all over you and which you may or may not notice when you go home or go to launder your clothes. You see I got a little clumsy with my ice and, well, you were fast asleep and you did not realize that one of the ice cubes jumped out and splashed back into the cup and sprayed droplets everywhere. If you are reading this please let me know and I will take care of the dry cleaning on that lovely white cardigan you were wearing.
Finally, while I am at it, I will also apologize for the tuna salad sandwich I had for lunch. Yes, I’m sure it didn’t make my breath the freshest nor did it sit terribly well in my stomach. So sorry for that too.
Thank you for your patients Seat 34C.
Now if man in 29B who kept blocking the TV screen so I couldn’t watch the movie could please step forward. ---- I’m waiting for my apology!!!
The Freaky Deaky Blog World
So Here I am obsessed by our Blog and by Ms. M’s alter ego Blog. So much so that I keep starting new Blogs (I just like thinking up good names for them not actually writing in them!) Ahem ahem I will now once again take credit for the brilliance that it the title “Our Five Cents” (speaking of– one cent is missing?! OOTG are you okay?!)
Okay that was a tangent. Back to the point. So I’m reading Ms. M’s Blog then I need to get some background so I link to Jill’s Blog. I read a little and then start seeing who’s Blogs she links to. After circles of Blog links I end up on a Blog of a girl who I have known since I was 5. Haven’t seen her since high school but now here is her personal life all laid out for me to anonymously read and or comment on if I so choose. And she has no idea. I feel like a spy! It was fun at first. A secret agent gathering info. But as I read on I found her Blog to be quite boring and it sort of upset me that this girl I once new with so much talent is now writing about who got kicked off the Apprentice last week! Maybe I need to read more entries. Hopefully they do not all revolve around reality TV!
As I started to realize the chances of me coming across this Blog I got freaked out. The magnitude of what the Blog world is becoming and how friendships are made and maintained and how much of it is based on reality or what we want other people to perceive us as is changing so rapidly my head might just explode with the implications.
Wow. Sorry, thanks for letting me rant in that run on sentence.
For 24 hours, it was like Hickteeth was right there, whispering in my ear.
My first Hickism occured on my date with "The Skimmer" ... the guy who "skimmed" my blog. We were talking about eating healthy and he told me that normally, he really watches what he eats and then said:
"Except this week." (he is at a conference) "For the last 2 days, it's like: 'oh! Is that a shrimp? Are those crab legs? Pass me another martini!'". He was making funny hand gestures of pointing at and eating everything in sight.
Then I said (with finger raised in air): "Are those brownies?"
Today, Hickteeth's spirit surfaced within me again (well, almost... I didn't say what was on the tip of my tongue...). I sat in the hygienist's chair at Dr. J's before my X-ray. She had me bite on the hard piece of thingie, then positioned the X-Ray machine to my cheek and I thought....
(insert Scottish accent) "I'm not pregnant, but thanks fer askin'!"
Hickteeth, you have made a profound difference in my life and changed me, as a person. I just wanted to acknowledge that, and thank you.
Hot hot hot
Blue faux snakeskin cowboy boots.
Unfortunately, there is not one redeeming word in the sentence above.
It might be a different story, however, if they were brown and looked like this :
or like this :
I want to be a cowboy!
I just got back from Montana, I think I want to be a Cowgirl. I bought a pair of cowboy boots while I was there - Blue faux snakeskin (they now match my notebook) I know OOTG is rolling her eyes in disgust!
I'm very excited because on Thursday we are premiering the horror film I designed (which you are all welcome to attend if you want to fly to L.A.!) Please check out the website for a little entertainment www.theslaughtermovie.com. Of course you'll notice that everyone else who had anything to do with the movie got credited but yet I am no where mentioned. Bitter?! Maybe a little!
But then again do I really want my good name associated?!
Master of The House
This will not be a post appreciated by all, and I know I risk coming off as the "Crazy Single Cat Lady" but something disturbed me somewhat this morning, as I lay in bed, with my cat Calvin on my chest who was in the throes of ecstacy, getting his neck and head scratched. I looked at Calvin, who I adore, and thought of his life, living with Ms. Ms. Calvin gets fed, watered, his poop scooped, and full body massages, scratches, and kisses. He has been getting away scot-free from jumping up on my kitchen counter and has not had to suffer the discomfort of claw-clipping because he complains so much when I try. He lives with his Mom who sometimes cleans him lovingly, and other times he pounces on and tries to play-fight with. A total Mama's boy! My house is littered with his toys, he has scratching post and various pieces of furniture (much to my dismay) for his claw-scratching pleasure. Calvin is truly the King of Chez Ms. This is pathetic.