medical news it seems that this blog is turning into a medical diary for me. let us examine...
the blog started with an email from me which stated "i'm off to see if i'm pregnant", indicating medical issue #1. well, a few days later the results were in, and bingo (i know you have all been waiting for this...) they confirm my knowledge that i am indeed not pregnant. nope, no bun in the oven. no little one to keep us up at night, no siree bob. heck, that was all totally fine with me, and i saved us all from having to attend a bris or baby naming sometime in june. (you're welcome.)
however, this did bring on medical issue #2: where the fuck is my period. wtfimp brought on an entire series of problems. i had not mestruated since i stopped taking the pill on august 1, and though it had been great not bleeding from the uterus for 3 months, well, at this ripe age of childbearing we had to figure out why. duking it out with the gyn, i was perscribed a five day medicatory treatment that would "bring on a period". i was very unclear as to how exactly we should "bring it on", as constant flashes of a flick with teenaged cheerleaders wisked through my brain. and, i was concerned that with what was now four months sans aunt flo, i would have a torrent that might require us calling in noah with his trusty ark. alas, no such flood issued, though i did get what i used to refer to as a "good period"-very little flow, no cramps, no fear of leakage... i was told this should "get things on track down there", and so if this is so, then i await my next cyclical void next week. unless, of course, if i am pregnant.
one might say that the advent of medical issue #3 is also due to the hormonal roller coaster that is currently snaking itself through my body. i have spoken liberally about this on the blog, with posts here, here, here and here. holy jesus, mary and joseph! (upon looking throught the blog i can't believe that i have spoken about my pussy pimples four times! and this makes it five.) look, this is about medical news, and in my books this classifies well under said category. i am happy to recount to you, that since popping the massive tri-whiteheaded volcano on my chin last week, the situation on the lower portion of my face is vastly improved, totally on the mend. (knock on wood.)
this brings me to medical issue #4, my current problem. i have a cyst at the base of my spine (one might call it the cocxycs, how ever the fuck you spell it...), which coincidentally happens to lie right at the top of my ass crack. like where all the pressure goes when you sit on your ass. i will be ussing the word ass alot here. now, the cyst: not such a big deal. UNTIL IT GOT INFECTED. (my dr. says that the infection is likely from an ingrown hair... something so soft and little causing me all these problems!) well... ladies, i am in a lot of pain. it hurts like a bitch. i can't sit down, lie down, change positions while sleeping without wanting to yelp in pain. the huge infected red, inflamed area on my ass makes me long for the small-ish red infectous spots on my face. i can sit down when i have pimples. NOT SO IN THIS CASE. i have been perscribed an antibiotic to clear up the infection (and yes, though i did describe immense pain above, it is getting better), as well as hot baths four times daily. in fact, i have to go take one now. said baths are supposed to allow an opening for all the "stuff" that is inside to escape. no opening has yet to develop, and when it does, i am frighten as to what might come out.
i shall leave you with that thought.  one of the girls ¶ 9:49 AM